Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
