you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
