i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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