And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
