I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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