she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
