my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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