Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
