plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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