my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My cat gives me a boner
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
