trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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