Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
