Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it hurts more in the daytime
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
