i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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