I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
