considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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