he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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