Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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