btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
His nipple licking is glorious
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