I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
