At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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