I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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