i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
