Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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