i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you. Go after that dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
