so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
