How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have already put on my inside pants.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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