1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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