My first STD was from a foam party
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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