I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
