Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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