Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
