If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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