I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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