I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
