so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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