fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
