He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
