When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
