My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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