The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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