I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
