If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you didnt know i had herpes?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
