How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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