So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
