im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Im part way to drunk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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