I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
