Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
