My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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