She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
