Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
