drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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