Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
