so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
