I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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