A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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