ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
