is your mom at the bar?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
