Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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