there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
