Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize