Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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