I hate your face
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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