people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
